the bachelor week five, part one

Good evening, everyone! This week we are blessed with a very special two episode Bachelor week.  This is very exciting news! This blog covers part one (Monday's episode) and my next blog with cover part two (Tuesday's episode). Here we go.

Another new addition to this week: the dreaded two-on-one date. The first of the season. “Pack your bags. You will be embarking on a world-wide journey to find love with Sean.” Chris says. WORLD WIDE. I guess Montana can be a world away from Los Angeles, California… if you’re a hobo. I love how they are all so excited like they’re going to Paris or Australia. (which would be world-wide) Question: why is Lesley holding onto Catherine’s arm? 

Photo credit: ABC

“I’ve never been to Montana! I get to see my boyfriend!” Daniella says. Hold up, rewind. What? For a minute I thought she actually had a boyfriend that lives in Montana. It didn't sound like she was talking abut Sean. 

Photo credit: ABC

Lindsay gets the one-on-one date. Surprise! Sean takes her on a helicopter ride, because that’s never been done before. Because Sean is outdoorsy and all, they have their date outside in the cold, fresh air. Their date: sitting in the middle of a field, having a picnic. Err, ignoring the picnic and just making out the whole time. The evening part of their date was spent indoors snuggling up to each other and chit chatting. Lindsay tells her story as an army brat.  “When I was an adolescent…” This made me giggle. I have never heard anyone refer to themselves as an adolescent. I think I used the term "teenager".

Photo credit: ABC

Only you, Lindsay. Only you, the wearer of wedding dresses on first dates would say this and not sound weird. Because you crossed the weird line on night one, when you wore the wedding dress. That bit about a wrist tattoo I mentioned in a previous blog was confirmed in this episode. Sean gives her a rose. And they kiss. Many times. The kissing leaderboard? Lindsay’s got this in the bag. She’s way ahead of the other girls. After this cute little scene, they went to downtown Whitefish to watch Sarah Darling in concert. They danced on a platform surrounded by a huge crowd watching them. “The entire town came out to watch the concert.” The ENTIREtown? Wow, small town. But this is Montana we are talking about, not New York.

Photo credit: ABC

Back at the... (well crap, I can’t say mansion anymore) umm.. wherever the girls are staying at...

A date card arrives and it’s a group date! All girls but Tierra and Jackie are included on the group date. These two girls get to experience the first two-on-one awkward date. Tierra couldn’t be happier! What is wrong with her? If it were me going on the two-on-one date, I would be scared for my life. I would rather go jump out of an airplane that’s 15,241,652 feet high than go on that date! I think Jackie knows how I feel. She’s not too happy about going on the date either. Confidence if one thing but Tierra takes it to a whole new level. So we have Tierra the tierrable in one corner and sweet Jackie in the other corner. Ready! Set! Fight! Here are both of the girls' reactions to their two-on-one date.

Photo credit: ABC

Sean + Sabina = 100% perfect match. I hate that because that will never ever happen. He has chosen his wife. But seriously, I can’t stand how well we match up. It depresses me. God needs to create a Sean clone for me. Then my life would be complete, I can live happily ever after with the greatest man in the world and I can die happy (in like 60 years)..

The next day…

Photo credit: ABC

Everyone except Lindsay, Jackie and Tierra went on the group date to a lake. They meet Sean and find out they have to compete in a race. “Are those dogs?” I will just pretend like I did not hear someone *cough* Daniella *cough* ask if the goats are dogs. So Daniella apparently changed her look as the show progressed. I’m not sure when the shift from being a Britney Spears lookalike to a Kesha lookalike happened. Well shucks. I have to refer to her as Kesha now. That’s cool too, I guess. Anyways..  

Photo credit: ABC

The girls have to canoe, buck hay, saw a log, milk a goat, and drinkthe goat’s milk. The prize for the winning team: alone time with Sean. The losing team is s.o.l. and has to go back to the lodge. Immediately. (as Chris Harrison puts it). Maybe someone brought some cards and they can all play Go Fish. (Get it? Because they’re at a lake. Ha I crack myself up). Lesley says she will drink the goat’s milk like it’s her job. What. The heck. Does that mean? Selma’s headband thing is so huge it is engulfing her head. Watching Robyn and Selma struggle to canoe was fun. Poor girls, it was probably very frustrating for them. Epic fail. Blue team has a strong lead over the red team. They might win this. Onto the hay for the blue team and just when they think they got this the hay falls apart. That sucks. While they have to make extra trips back and forth with the hay, the red team catches up. 

Photo credit: ABC

Both teams are at the cross cut and Chris advises them to “find the rhythm”. Ah yes, the rhythm of how to cut a huge log in half. I know it well. (not!) Oh snap red team is leading now! Hurry up blue team! I have to say Desiree was impressive with her goat milking skills. Even after the goat kicked and spilled their cup of milk, she brought her A game and managed to fill the cup up again before the blue team. It makes me wonder how many times she’s done this before… And it’s time to drink the milk. Des, you drink that sh*t like it’s your job! Ha. Ladies and gentlemen we have a winner: the red team! Sorry blue, y’all gotta bounce. (yep I just said this) “Weak people piss me off” Lesley says. I wonder if she was referencing someone when she said this. 
Lesley, the goat whisperer. 

Photo credit: ABC

Photo credit: ABC

So Sean and the red team go to Casey’s, whatever that is, a lounge or something, and just hang out there when Sean has a brilliant idea. Let’s bring the blue team back! I mean that is a good idea and I understood where he was coming from, time is valuable and I was happy for the blue team but at the same time I felt bad for the red team. They won the competition but only get to spend two minutes alone with Sean before the blue team comes. And I really felt bad for Des. She drank that goat’s milk for nothing. I know I would be upset if I were her.  My girls (AshLee, Lesley and Catherine) were on the blue team so i was rooting for them. And I think Sean might have been too. He obviously really likes someone on the blue team to invite them to join. It makes me wonder (I seem to be wondering a lot in this episode) if the blue team had won, would Sean invite the red team back? And one more quick note: this same competition happened when the girls played beach volleyball and the losing team had to leave. But we didn’t see Sean invite them back now did we? I’ve pondered this and I’ve come to a conclusion of why he did this. Simply because there were too many girls. I believe 16 of them. This was only the third week as we recall and relationships weren’t as strong as they have become now in the fifth week. It’s much easier to focus on 8 women than 16. But even 8 is rather difficult. These are the girls’ reactions when Sean revealed the news about the blue team…

Photo credit: ABC

During this scene, Tierra opens her mouth and words come out. Omg! I was hoping to get through at least half of the show without ranting about Tierra. I guess that was too much to ask for. So here we go, my Tierrable rant:

Photo credit: ABC

Let us review what was Tierra’s initial reaction to her being on the two-on-one date. She is absolutely overjoyed! Cannot wait for it and is not in the least bit worried about not getting the rose. Now we flash forward to the present when she overhears that the blue team gets to join Sean on his date with the red team. Tierra flips her emotions and now she says “the losers get to spend time with him and I get stuck on the two-on-one. That’s not fair.” I swear this girl is bipolar. Or something equivalent. What happened to your cheerfulness about the two-on-one, Tierra? Where did that disappear to? Just be quiet, keep sitting there and continue writing your next plan of attack in your journal of evil things. (idk what that means). Moving on. I’m not wasting energy on your drama, Tierra. Still got a long way to blog.

Photo credit: ABC

When Selma gets angry, Selma talks in third person. Ha. So as the red team is discussing how pissed they are, the blue team is getting ready to meet up with Sean. This should be interesting to watch. 

Heeeeeere’s Tierra! What is that girl up to this time? And how the hell did she escape the lodge? And most importantly, why is she wearing the blue team’s shirt?? Where did she get that from? So, so many questions I have… I don’t know how she knew where Sean and the girls would be but she found Sean and did this… major creeper! 

Photo credit: ABC

They find a bench outside (in the cold) and talk. She tells him she came all the way to Montana to spend time with him. Omg really? She is acting like she sacrificed something huge to travel free to Montana. Um hello?! Earth to crazy girl! All of the girls traveled to Montana to spend time with Sean, not just you princess. “Honestly, the two-on-one date I felt like it was a huge slap in the face.” For crying out loud! Of course she is complaining to him about it! It would be shocking for her not to. But I thought she was oh so over the moon excited for it before! Split personality, much? Seriously, why is she wearing the blue team’s shirt?!! And why is Sean not asking her about it? I would be dying to know and eager to ask her if I were him. Whatevs. 

Poor Desiree. I really feel bad for her. As she was talking to Sean about how she worked hard at the lumberjack competition for nothing out comes AshLee interrupting her time with him, that she worked real hard for. Aww. So there is a kiss counter and a smack tracker, how about we add one for how many times Sean says “I’m crazy about you” to a girl. 
Daniella becomes upset because she never spends time with Sean so she goes to look for him. “They are sitting on each other’s laps.” Daniella says after seeing Catherine and Sean talking in private outside. Um Daniella, I am pretty sure that it’s not physically possible for two people to sit on each other’s laps. Let me think about that for a second. See if I can form a mental picture of that happening… Nope sorry not possible. I mean unless you get into a really weird position but then it wouldn’t really be sitting on a lap. And then she says, “can you get off of her lap?” (you mean his lap?) Ha. I love this. Daniella, I love hearing you speak. The things that come out of your mouth. Goodness. And now she’s crying. I would be so sick of watching every girl cry all the time. I bet Sean was about done with it too. I mean really. You can be emotional and express your feelings of abandonment without the tears. 

Photo credit: ABC

It’s finally time for the group date rose. Let’s recall what Robyn said about it. “If one of them [the blue team] gets that rose…” (Des finishes) “…I’ll be upset.”  Guess who Sean gives the rose to?? Daniella! One of the girls from the blue team. Ha that sucks I bet Robyn’s pissed. I bet Des is even more pissed. 

This is an interesting point I make. I think Tierra is aware that when a girl talks bad about her to Sean that girl ends up going home. So she is enforcing this. This was her plan all along, to be so evil to the girls to make them complain to Sean about what a horrible girl Tierra is, and since guys hate drama the girl that talks about it gets sent home. In other words, Tierra is encouraging the girls to talk bad about her to Sean, it’s why she is so confident she won’t be going home. It’s deep right? I know, sometimes my brain amazes me.

So the next day it’s the long awaited two-on-one date. Tierra, Jackie and Sean.

Photo credit: ABC

First let me start off on a lighter note before getting to the ugly. Jackie’s outfit is so cute! She is so pretty! The love triangle go horseback riding! I love horses. They are seriously my favorite animals ever. I’m owning one in the future sometime. When I have a house in the country and lots of money. This is happening. Both Sean and Jackie have white horses and Tierra has a brown one. I’m surprised it’s not a black horse to match her black heart. Ha. That might have been a little bit too mean. I apologize. But Tierra is always mean to everyone so idk if I should apologize.

Photo credit: ABC

Sean and Jackie are sitting on the grass talking and she pretty much decides her fate when she tells him about how Tierra has been acting toward the girls. Well that sucks, better pack your things honey you got a ticket home. Wait you already packed your things.

The evening part of the date has arrived. Tierra eats some fish, wine is being gulped loudly and the rose is given out. That’s the nutshell version. Let’s dig deeper into the date. Jackie takes another sip of wine. Why is Sean’s wine a different color than the girls’? That’s odd. Sean and Tierra leave Jackie at the table to go talk privately outside. She puts on her fake positive attitude and says the most laughable and ridiculous thing ever to come out of her mouth. “I have the biggest heart.” To which I replied, “Ha! The biggest heart of evil.” She then tells him a story about her ex-boyfriend. And there we have it folks. Maybe the story was true maybe it wasn’t. But that doesn’t matter because Sean bought it and gave her the rose. See Jackie, that’s what you should have done. Tell Sean a story about your drug addicted boyfriend who’s been in rehab forever and eventually died. You could have stuck around for another week. But instead Sean asks if you ATE your fish when he and Tierra come back to the table. I have to say LOL! Like, what? You really asked her about the fish? But anyway he gives Tierra the rose and sends sweet, stylish Jackie home. As she is riding away, fireworks light up the night. Wow. Think she was sad before, now she is really sad hearing the fireworks. 

Photo credit: ABC

Photo credit: ABC

The dead animals that fill the cabin room freak me out! There are so many. It's very creepy. Tierra says she’s not a fighter, yet she wants to punch the girls and in a previous episode she wanted to punch some walls. That’s violence right there, and the definition of being a fighter. I think this girl has absolutely no idea what she is saying most of the time. Oh and she only wants five of the girls gone. (there are nine of them, plus herself). And I guess you can say 'bitches' on the show but not 'shit'. I find that funny. Ha. I think the word bitch is worse than the word shit. But that’s just me. 

“If I wanna go get engaged, I can easily get engaged. There are plenty of f**king guys in the world.” Whoa! Hoooold up! Girlfriend did not just say that. America, are you hearing this?? Now I want to punch a bitch! What the hell just happened? I am completely outraged. Go, Tierra! Freaking leave and find some poor sap that would marry you. Leave Sean alone. Spare him your drama and craziness. Why are you even on the show? I don’t get this. Tierra, you cause me more stress than my calculus homework. And I hate math like it’s Satan. It stresses me out like nothing else. If I could kill math, I would commit that crime because that’s how much I despise it. So for me to put Tierra on a greater stress level than math, it truly shows my feelings towards her. 

Photo credit: ABC

Hey there’s Sean! Perfect timing! He walks by Tierra as she is showing her true colors.  You should have been doing this since day one, Sean. Just casually walk by in the background at different points in the night during the cocktail parties. That is how you will see how each girl really is. I would bet $100 that Tierra wouldn’t be around if Sean knew her true personality. But she plays him so well that he falls for her innocent victim act. I love the music that plays as he’s entering the room. Freaking awesome! Ha. He’s smiling! Why is he smiling? Lol. It makes me smile because I’m familiar with that smile. It’s not a ‘I’m happy’ smile, it’s more of a ‘I’ve caught you in the act’ smile. Anger is her only emotion. Strike that. Anger and crying are her only emotions. When she is not playing an innocent victim, she is yelling at someone and causing drama. Of course he asks Tierra what’s wrong and she feeds him bs like always, then he talks to Lesley and asks her about it and she sort of tells him but not really! Whyyyyy? He wants specific things Tierra says and does but no one will tell him, yet the girls keep talking to each other about it. I don’t know why Lesley didn’t tell him the truth about Tierra. Maybe because she was afraid he might send her home. Because that’s the trend. You involve yourself in another girl’s drama and you’re done, you go home. Which is understandable, but still, when Sean asked for one thing that all the girls keep talking about no one tells him. I mean he asks for it, he can’t send a girl home for telling him the truth when he specifically asked for it. I would tell him if no one else does, and risk going home but at least he would know the truth. (Hopefully he would believe me) But no one tells him anything which is why he doesn’t believe any bad thing anyone is saying about Tierra. That sucks. I wonder what he feels after he watches all these episodes air on tv. I wonder what his thoughts and emotions are toward Tierra at that point. I really would like to know. “I wish that he could take away a rose tonight, honestly.” Catherine says about the situation with Tierra. Omg girl yes! I think all of America wishes this exact same thing.

Photo credit: ABC

Chris sits down with Sean to assess the Tierra situation and asks him if he sees a future with any of the girls. Sean says he’s not sure and, according to Chris’s blog, he almost left the show because that’s how awful he felt that week. Aw poor guy. It truly makes me sad to see him this way. He is such a sweet, caring guy with a big heart that wants to find love. I’m here for you, Sean. And what if he did leave the show? What would happen then, with six weeks left? That’s never happened before. Look at this sad face :( 

Time for the rose ceremony…

Photo credit: ABC

Robyn looks good in blue. That dress is pretty. I'm not sure how I feel about Lesley's dress.

So Selma gets the first rose. Catherine is next. Followed by Lesley, AshLee, Sarah, and Desiree. Lindsay, Daniella and Tierra already have pre-ceremony roses. It’s over for Robyn. Whaat? This makes me sad. Selma's words of wisdom about Tierra... "be scared". I think we all are. 

Photo credit: ABC

Photo credit: ABC

Photo credit: ABC

I love the bloopers at the end of the show! It’s always nice to end the show with a laugh. Sean struggles at cutting wood with an ax so he breaks apart the wood with his bare hands. Seriously? He is also good at breaking things. On The Bachelorette, he threw a log and broke it, and here he broke an ax while failing to chop wood. "My bad" he said. Ha. I mean, look at his freaking muscles… they probably weigh as much as me and Selma do! Ha. Impressive, Sean, very impressive.

“She’s as fake as a three dollar bill.” AshLee says in a deleted scene about Tierra. Ha omg that is so awesome! She is so witty! And I fully agree with that statement.

“The drama continues tomorrow night on The Bachelor.” Chris reminds us about part two of the show this week. The drama continues. Ain’t that the truth. Sean is left with nine ladies now. It has been a very interesting episode. Getting angry and frustrated at Tierra really exhausts me. Good night all. 

Until next time…

xo

All images are screenshots of the show taken by me (not taken from anywhere on the internet). However credit is still given to ABC for having the show available to watch online.